It’s been weeks since I posted here.  Hell, it’s been weeks since I’ve posted anywhere, or been published anywhere. It’s not for lack of wanting, but more for a lack of time and energy.

Work has been a nightmare, and where I used to have the occasional bit of downtime to write, or blog, or even research, that seems to have vanished.  Instead, the majority of my day is spent in almost a form of panic, as I try to  accomplish an insane amount of tasks without violating the current company ban on overtime.  Between that and my wife’s new job which essentially removes her from the home every weekend, leaving me in Mr. Mom mode and in a constant state of rush and hurry.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and spending time with them is awesome, but the entire weekend is dedicated to caring for 2-3 kids and trying to maintain the household.  It makes one understand the plight of single parents out there…the level of exhaustion one feels taking care of multiple children is a unique feeling.  Add to that being on call every other week/weekend, and you have a recipe for distraction.

As much as I love writing, I find myself falling asleep at the keyboard long before I can accomplish too much.  I attempted to try another writer’s trick of putting at least 500 words a day to page, but that only lasted a day or two before exhaustion put the nail in the coffin.  Now I find myself with a metric shit-ton of ideas, most of which I quickly jot down in Evernote on my phone just so I don’t forget them.  Novels, poems, essays, the ideas are all there, but finding the time and energy to get them out isn’t.  And that’s not including the other projects I am “working on”, like the podcast that has been sitting stagnant for 6 weeks.  To make matters worse, a magazine has taken interest in a proposal for a short article, and aside from some research, word one has not been written.  

I have to hand it to those who are able to completely dedicate themselves to their hobby, especially if they try to roll the hard 6 and make it into a career.  The last 6 weeks or so, a local casting company has been trying to get me to work on a show being filmed here in Baltimore.  I’ve been called 6 times, and I’ve had to refuse 5 out of those six.  The one time I was available and arranged for the day off, the shoot was cancelled due to weather.  To put some perspective on this, I actually had the opportunity to work with Olivia Wilde, and I turned it down.  Now, work with is a stretch, like saying I worked with the President since I spend a few days working in the Capitol.  But with Ms. Wilde being my nerd crush since Tron: Legacy, I had to fight every ounce of Nerd Instinct to say no to her.  But it did make me think, how many of the people who were called for those shoots dropped everything, including family, job, dates etc for the slightest of shots in the acting world.  The sad thing is, had I not been threatened with getting written up at work for absence, I would have most likely called out, but responsibility for my family overrode my Nerd Fu.  

But it’s that same responsibility that keeps me in my mundane day job that I generally despise.  As much as I would love to use the nuclear option, quit my day job and dedicate myself to writing, I can’t begin to consider doing that…the disservice to my family would be too great.  Thankfully, in my Twitter travels, I’ve found quite a few authors who manage to work day jobs (sometimes more than one), raise families, and remain completely normal (well, as normal as writers can be).  They inspire me to keep going, but when I haven’t put one single PAID word down in paper in a few weeks, one starts to begin to doubt themselves.  

What I have done in this time however is work on some non-paid projects.  I started my children’s book, which progressed well for a time before coming to a screeching halt.  I also took a crack at some poetry, something I haven’t really tried since it was forced upon me in high school.  It’s sad though, seeing as how the majority of the writing I’ve accomplished in the last 6 weeks or so was produced on my smart phone.  While that’s not really the best writing environment, I do get to take it wherever I go, and at least I can keep track of ideas.  

I guess we’ll see where this takes me…I’m afraid I’m losing whatever touch I had, but I guess I just have to try and keep going.  Holy Shit…I actually wrote more than 500 words…maybe something is going to happen!

J